suicide/negativity tw

have i ever felt this sad in my life?????? how could i know my emotions have no permanence and i think that each time is worse than the last and i forget each feeling as it passes and i could never compare one time to another

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wanting to kill yourself is the most selfish thing but how could i bear to care about anyone else at all
i give 0 fucks about how they would feel and that's probably the worst thing lmao i should die

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i just want to die!! @god just let me die!!!!!!!! i wish someone would just barge into my house and shoot me!! please!!!! i beg!!!!!!!!!!!!

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if i commit i just want everyone to know that i didn't do it bc i felt like a failure and i didn't do it for any specific reason like grades or stress or friends i did it because my existence is and always will be meaningless and it is so much easier to die than to keep living

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god i really need to get help but it won't even completely work!! it might cure my symptoms for a little bit!! maybe!! but then i'll have to keep struggling with it!!! for my entire life!!!!!! i might as well just die now!!!!!!! it sucks!!!!!!!!!!! someone please kill me!! i wish i could just die!!!! rotting in unconsciousness is so far preferable to this!!!!!!!

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my english teacher leaving last year actually really fucked me up!!!!!!!!!!!!! what if he was still here?? would i be like this???? would he be able to help me????? ha ah hah ahh ah!!!!!!! life is a horrible miserable void!!!!!! also i suck at drawing!!!!!! my dog is dying!!!!!

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i just fucking wish i was dead literally everything would be better not existing would be better

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the worst thing is that if i told people i wanted to commit they would say "oh but i care!! people care!!" yes i fucking know people will care!!!!!! i don't care that they care!!!!!! i just don't want to exist anymore!!!! please don't guilt me into staying here in absolute pain!!!!!!! there's no point in staying alive!!! and it sucks!!!!!

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i'm always left out of that one group and it fucking sucks hahahahahahahhahahhahhahahhahhahhahahahahahahahaha

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i find no enjoyment in anything anymore

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SOMEONE KILL ME PLEASE YOU CAN'T MURDER THE WILLING I JUST WANT IT TO END

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jumping off a building doesn't feel sure enough maybe i'll stab myself through the stomach but i don't think i could go through with it

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hmm now i feel a lil better maybe i just need to think about stabbing myself to move on

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jonathan do you still read these lmao